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Is Your Heart As Light As A Feather? 99 Portal & Mercury Retrograde

Spirit Speaks & I follow The Clues

Spirit has been guiding me to write this post in relation to a few things and at first I was not sure how exactly it was all meant to correlate together or why these aspects were presenting to me as they were. However as spirit always does they brought the pieces of the puzzle together for me in various ways and seemingly insignificant interactions.

This is partly why it is so hard to sometimes deliver or explain to others the way I come to my conclusions or get the insights into the things I do. Some of the times it is instant and just a knowing so strong that I feel like I really have no control over my reactions or my words, which happen a lot with my Dad in particular.

He will nonchalantly mention how he saw something, a particular show, or a certain person, and without him knowing the details himself I often do. The last time this happened was last week bringing my new dresser into my room. He mentioned a man who gets info from the Pleiadians. I knew who it was immediately, Billy Meier, but my brain was in resistance to the Meier part for some reason. I think because of Mike Myers I was feeling I was wrong, but that was exactly who it was.

The time before this he mentioned a girl and I knew not immediately because for some reason I was thinking it unlikely that he would be watching her, but hesitantly I said Teal Swan? and to my surprise I was correct.

The time that sticks out the most was the time he mentioned a documentary about a completely unrelated topic but my response was the Mars boy. He thought I was wrong so I pulled up the Mars boy on my phone, that is not his real name btw, I just called him that. I watched him back about 10 years ago. He was a kid who remembered his past lives on Mars. Whatever my Dad had watched was featuring him but not for that reason.

Anyway the things I do or do not do, think, or feel all typically get a push or some sort of divine energy or intuitive hit prior to my doing them. It is very rare that I will do something unless I feel inspired or guided to do it. Of course I am human and ego occasionally throws the wrench into my plans or creation, but for the most part as time goes by I am more inclined to listen, trust, and act accordingly to what spirit has in mind for me.

So as the days have led up to now I knew of Mercury Retrograde being on the way and I found out about the fact we will also be connecting to Libra which is all about Balance and the scales of Justice today. Yet 2 days ago I shared a reading with the scale in the title and believe it was called Judgment to Justice, and the messages were basically coming down to be good and do good and receive good.

9/9 Special 9% Off

I was also informed of the fact we have a 9/9 portal coming up very quickly when a subscriber messaged to ask if I would have a 99 portal

I did make one of the listings 9% off for the time being throughout the portal and probably until I remember to set it back.

The fact that it is also conjoined with Mercury Retrograde's start day in the sign of Libra all seems fitting for the rest of the things I am being guided to connect with. Many of you know that for the last months from February until now I have been guided to do activations monthly with different Goddesses and the plan is for 13 of them to come forward and connect to understand, heal, and grow with them.

Interestingly enough I saw a post from someone the other day who I consider to be one of the very few from the in person community in my immediate surroundings who I trust and didn't feel betrayed or abandoned by in the great purge shortly after moving to the new home, and my real Mother passing away.

That was the year I felt as if I lost so many Mothers, simply because so many I met self-appointed themselves a Mother of mine, and I never had any reason to see that as a threat or bad thing. That is until the head mother at one of the centers in the area, very much like my own, decided that I had outgrown her comfort zone, and kicked me out of the nest.

True Spirit Mom Vibes

Of the many women who I knew and considered to be of a motherly vibe Randi is my main Momma Bear who I owe so much to. I am living in the second of the houses I have lived in since escaping the basement of torture, and both belong to her.

Many of you know that I have many weiner dogs, and through no desire of my own mind you did that become 7 at one time. I would separate the dogs in different rooms. Close the doors, pull a drawer out to block the opening of said door, you know in case a dog decided to somehow grow thumbs and turn the doorknob. Yet many occasions I would come home to find the drawer pushed in, door wide open, and dogs together.

My ex used the dogs as a way to manipulate, and relentlessly embedded into my brain over and over that no man would ever want me, and no place would accept me to live with so many. Well Randi allowed us to live at both homes with the entourage and even went as far as making Xmas and bday presents for the first couple years around the dogs being taken to the vet to get any type of work that needed done. I have been out of that basement over 5 years now and we have not had a single new puppy by the way. Thank you for all you do, and for being a true Mom Randi!

Nicki The Selenite Traveler

Another Woman who I have known longer than most of my spirit family, we met at the very first center I had worked at, learned from, and began my own events within is Nicki.

Nicki was one of my biggest fans in the beginning of everything and absolutely loved the Star being meditation nights. She even set up for me to host my events at other spaces around our area and would always be present to journey to the stars with me anytime I made my way out of my comfort zone and to a new space.

She actually came to one of the Andromeda Nights and her experience was very visual and like the rest of the group white was a theme. Well not long after Nicki was sporting a white silvery color in her hair inspired by the journey we took that night and this was something that stuck out for me because she was typically sporting red, which is a color that demands a certain energy and vibe I feel. My nana has always been a red head throughout my life and there is an immediate energy I get from those who have it. My Aunt Susan was another who had red hair, and Nicki has been a sort of blend between my Nana and Aunt energy for me.

Nicki is powerful, fierce, sexy, sweet, funny, down to earth, and just real. She is a total Earth Angel and Galactic Priestess shaman hybrid being. A total free spirit who travels to centers all over the East Coast playing her selenite Bowls, making beautiful jewelry, and creates amazing Spirit Art. She has been a beautiful person in my life regardless of any drama or situations surrounding in the community. Some of which I know others would have turned against me or chosen to resent me when Nicki instead would just call and ask straight up for my side of a story, and even be encouraging or supportive knowing I would not intend or create the circumstances that arise when humans do what humans do.

My personal Nicki Jewelry and artwork!

This is a link to the same service I received with the spirit Art and reading by Nicki

I honestly believe it is because she knows exactly what the real issues are, and like anyone who has had to go through it, we recognize others who get hate for being who they are, just because others aren't that. Jealousy and insecurity is rampant in our world, and so many choose to compete or out do when we could get so much further with collaboration and true support. I had a false sense of the spiritual community when I first came to meet others who were awake and it was a shock to my system to have those who at one time I placed on a pedestal of enlightened love wind up being just as mean and cold as high school mean girls.

Yet I have since come to see that spiritual people who sprout all the love and light out and never have a bad day, never experience real life, and seemingly are impenetrable of human experience are usually the ones with the most work to do. We need to face our shadow, and integrate it, accept that we are not perfect, and continue to attempt the process of healing and supporting one another as we weave in and out of the good and bad. Ups and downs are to be expected in the 3D, a land of duality, and honestly I find that when I hit my lows and darkness there is usually a catalyst into the amazing expansive light that follows.

Nicki has so many amazing pieces an offers on her site, Instagram accounts, and she is always coming out with new and amazing special offers and events. She is available to create long distance meditations, spirit art drawings, and ships her jewelry too. If you have a center and would like her to visit or you have a corporate office looking to include mindfulness and meditation practices into things, reach out and connect with Nicki and allow her to bless you with some good vibes and selenite sounds of bliss.

Spirit Guides Message - Cut The BS

In February of 2020 Nicki was sharing her offering of Spirit Art to connect with a guide and draw for you a guide and deliver their message. This is around the time I was being insane and over doing like I do, and activating and charging crystals as well as sending written readings off with everyone regardless of if it was $2 or $30 and I was burning out fast. It was a normal occurrence for me to skip sleep all together to get all the cards written and crystals into the appropriate bags and piles. I was also doing numerous other things and trying to keep my head above water, but nothing was what we can say balanced.

Nicki connected to Maat, and her feather which gets weighed against your heart on a scale to see if you are able to continue on through the underworld. If you have a heart as light as a feather and free from the burden and weight of the world then you are all good. Yet if you carry a bunch of weight and darkness or imbalance then it gets eaten by a demon.

Over the last few months of working with the Goddess energies I have connected to Isis and Osiris, followed by Hathor, and last month we worked with Sekhmet. I had thought that I was to carry on with Lilith as she has been coming up a lot for me and all I have been learning and hearing from spirit. However, now that I see the energies present and then saw a post from my friend Nicki the other day who was very much experiencing a similar theme in her own life as I was, I knew that keeping with the Egyptian deities and specifically Maat is what I am to do for this Months Goddess Activations.

Goddess Ma'at Truth Balance & Justice Out Of Chaos

The name Ma’at is generally translated as “that which is straight” or “truth” but also implies “order”, “balance” and “justice”. Ma’at personified perfect order and harmony. She came to be when Ra rose from Chaos and was often described as a daughter of Ra. Sometimes considered to be the wife of Thoth because he was a god of wisdom.

The Egyptians believed the universe was ordered and rational. The rising and setting of the sun, the flooding Nile, and the course of the stars assured them that there was permanence to existence. However, chaos was always present and threatened the balance of Maat. Each person had a duty to preserve and defend Maat. There was a strong sense of morality and justice. Believing the good should prosper, and the guilty would be punished. They praised those who defend the weak and poor and placed a high value on loyalty. They also understood that it was not possible to be perfect, just balanced.

The ancient Egyptian goddess Ammit was retribution. She sat beside the scales of Ma’at ready to devour souls deemed unworthy. The unfortunate souls who failed the judgement would suffer a feared second death, having no chance of a blissful life in the field of reeds, and instead roam restlessly for eternity.

Each Egyptian’s soul was judged in the Hall of Maat. The heart (conscience) was weighed against a feather on scales which represented balance and justice. If the heart was heavier than the feather due to not living a balanced life by principles of Ma’at the heart was either thrown into a lake of fire or devoured by Ammit. If balanced with the feather they would pass the test and gain eternal life. The Ancient Egyptians also developed a legal system to ensure Maat was preserved in daily life. It is thought that the Priests of Maat were involved in the justice system, as well as tending to the needs of the goddess. Maat was depicted as a woman wearing a crown with a single ostrich feather protruding from it. She occasionally was a winged goddess. Her totem was a stone platform representing a stable foundation on which order was built and the primeval mound which first emerged chaos

Mercury Retrograde In Libra - Any Theme Still Needing Balance

- Coming Back up To Complete

Not much of a surprise as with Mercury Retrograde we often have things come back up for us to look at or work through if we have yet to wrap up or learn the lesson. Being that I literally have just ended a crazy roller-coaster of imbalance and over doing with giving too much of myself in ways that do not make much sense in the grand scheme of things, differently than before, but very much like the crystal chaos when Maat first came in. It is only right that they would be back now to remind me and assist me in closing up the cycle and release any guilt, fear, or weight of resentments or otherwise so I can carry on in balance and light.

Many know I attempted to do the whole membership thing, and I originally wanted to use my website, yet I allowed myself to get swayed to a platform that cost monthly and really was more work than what it was worth. My website which is paid for the year in advance offered literally all I needed to do the same things but the other was a little more fancy in looks. Yet even that was troublesome as some of the less technology savvy were able to navigate it as well as the websites straight forward navigation.

The first day I launched the memberships was 11/11 and it was actually on my website. I was shocked and surprised at how many signed up off the bat for the biggest plan of 44 a month, but when I went to the other platform I think maybe a handful of people ever signed on through them and most were on a lower plan. About 20 or so signed up for the free level access to basically be on the server but still outside of a paywall where they could see what the layout was in the main area but not the contents within groups and areas I was publishing for Star seeds, Business Support, Twin Flames, and going live for readings. The very first event for that was about 5 hours long. Then we had the support groups and the business groups where I went live 2 times in one night multiple times a month so that people in US and across the globe had times to connect. It was not uncommon for me to spend 5 to 8 hours Live. Then I would have no energy to do anything else. By the time I recouped from a live I had to go live again.

So I finally cancelled that platform, and brought back to my site and cut down my offers from the business, star seed, and twin flame options to just one smaller fee option. The Free group on my website which has been there since before I started memberships has about 44 people in it. I had done polls and communicated with many who had said they really wanted the business support prior to me setting up anything, but when the options to join came around no matter how I presented or offered things whether in single groups or bundles as low as $5.55 a month up to $44 to even having single drop in nights offered that were a single pay per ticket event all the previously excited and yes people were nowhere to be found.

Business Instincts

Now because of a closer knit connection to the girls who did actually sign up and join me in the memberships, the ones who wanted support with business I gave a more specific to them experience and continued to share whatever relevant or resources I have used or found for myself along the way even when that group was removed from the options.

Honestly it is just a natural thing I do in any chat. Just last night for the live readings I was again, spending most of about 2 hours giving out messages surrounding purpose, business ideas and soul missions. I also formed closer connections to those in my groups which many had been dealing with flakey dudes and or family members, or coworkers that are just not the best of the best. I became more invested in everyone and was trying to help too many too deeply.

Unfortunately without new people signing up or joining, and the major flaw that came about from being depleted and no longer posting to either channel, barely on Insta, & my groups on Facebook. My Etsy went from having 20k in sales a month to not even close to that, Vimeo went down in sales, my PayPal website stats, Google Ads, Amazon Affiliates, and basically I was losing money by having memberships.

Somehow on top of all the rest of these things Community Cares turned into my doing free readings and directing people to book with others which was originally envisioned as a event I did not need to even be present for if things went smoothly for the first few. Now any one of these things alone would probably be able to skate by as just a nice thing to do. Yet when you can not show up or do the work that equals out to you being compensated with either the traffic that comes from the work done on channels and Insta, or having the time to promote and get more paid members on the memberships, and instead the one time you do get in front of audience you direct them to others the universe gets ready to bitch slap you.

Reestablishing Balance & Justice With Boundaries

Since I cancelled thew Community Cares YouTube has offered me a guaranteed $500 to open that membership I wanted to anyway and $5 per person up until 1k. I have been booking more private clients, and people have been purchasing my courses and offers. Vimeo paid me an amount I had not seen in awhile the same week Etsy as well as PayPal all had that same amount deposited into my account. That was the week leading up to the email with the 1k offer from YouTube. I have energy returning again and was able to post I think 4 out of 7 days on my Bridget Rau channel as well as going live for the members Tuesday Night. I have plans to do more with things I love to do. I have 2 decks in the making which none came out during the attempt to do memberships.

So basically when you set boundaries and do not allow yourself to give to your own demise the universe rewards you. I feel like I am most likely not the only one who is carrying some old residual energy and weight from the past in connection to these types of situations. Be it old friends, the connections with our parents, the ex relationships we had in love, and even the relationship we make with our work or ourselves.

The last few years I have seen how I am and totally know that I throw myself head first into work to ignore or cope with the pain and hurt I experience in all areas of life. The last 5 years alone have been a roller-coaster of whoa being the ending of many relationships, the start of others, the shift from the physical to online world and the increase of those out there I am connecting with in different ways and who interact with my energy.

I have always had some boundaries issues and people pleasing tendencies, which I feel many empaths do. Yet the younger years it was all more on a mental or emotional level, and the later years had more of a physical and direct impact on my health and output, essentially forcing me to take heed of my imbalances or suffer.

9/9 Portal Bringing Soul Cycles To A Close

999 portal

I feel as we go into the Mercury Retrograde and 9/9 Portal we all need to be more aware of the things that are coming back up for us to explore and find our justice within. I know I still have a lot of pain and resentments to heal from the past. Losing My Mother and then my youngest sister basically a year apart was another trauma that I have yet to fully process, and when I see how long it has been already that they have been gone I ask myself where has the time gone. The Lyme came in like a tornado as well and that really messed with my short term memory and I think I slept the greater part of an entire year. That with the acceleration I know I am not the only one aware of it feels like a day is gone in a few hours and a week in a couple days.

I know we have made waves of awakenings and consciousness is shifting. We are all doing good in our day to day experience just by being here but specifically when we take the responsibility of healing and facing the triggers, and choosing to not be a victim but a healer of self and others. As well as choosing to be responsible for ourselves and maintain boundaries, self respect, and balance in our life regardless of who what and where the energy is being bounced back and forth with.

9/9 portal

There is a lot to be upset about every day, but that gets us nowhere good, and in fact just adds more to be upset about as what we focus on expands. We need to dig deeper and remember that we are powerful creators and we can overcome anything sent to destroy us. We have all these tools, and awareness which is more than many have who remain asleep or slaves to the ego systems.

The 9/9 portal aspect is for me a number of humanitarianism and good deeds. My life Path is a 9 and a quick Google search pulls up.

Life Path Number 9 Frequency Meanings

  • As the final numeral, nine holds a special ranking.

  • It’s associated with forgiveness, compassion and success on a positive side and arrogance on the negative.

  • Those with the 9 vibrations are honest and genuine souls who hate falsehood or show-offs.

  • They tend to feel lost and scattered at times.

  • Being granted plenty of talents and gifts, they sometimes lend energy to various areas, leaving them unfocused and confused.

  • Learning to keep the eyes on a prize (one) and not to pursue materialistic gains is of most benefit.

  • 9 is a highly spiritual number that resonates with spiritual consciousness, and it is likely a 9 will face hardship.

  • Fortunately most have the strength, desire, and balance to overcome all challenges.

  • 9 represents kindness, patience, inner wisdom, and awareness, all natural leader qualities.

  • 9s are capable of being composed and confident in tense situations.

  • A 9 projects positive vibrations and compassion, making them extremely generous.

  • Many 9s are known to have an idealistic nature.

  • Over time 9 may form a strict set of values which they will not sacrifice.

  • 9s are described as old souls.

  • Somehow wise beyond their years, and if they don’t experience failures and success of their own, they excel at vicarious learning.

  • Some obsess with the future, and forget to live in the present moments.

  • 9s are not the most open and can become skeptical of others, which they keep at an arm’s length, only entering relationships when totally ready.

  • Number 2s and 6s create comforting environments for 9s And they also have compatibility with life path 1 & 3.

  • 1s aren’t the most romantic so 9s won’t need to worry.

  • It helps that 1s and 9s are both very dedicated to their work.

  • This can help relationships flourish beyond belief. 9s have a desire to support, serve, & help others. T

  • hey usually get tied to spiritually-based services, lightworking, or heart-based careers.

  • Mainly having ideas of doing good in the world. T

  • here are also many 9s who pursue artistic fields too, all have the hopes of making a positive impact in the world. 9s have a tendency to immerse themselves fully into their work which may doom personal relationships.

  • If 9s stay focused on goals and do not allow money-hungry, or negative people to bring them down, they are able to bring positive light to people.

  • A strong belief in self and following an humanitarian passion to better the world is a good focus for 9s, even if it doesn’t promise lucrative gains.

  • No amount of wealth or possession can replace a sense of satisfaction when helping or serving.

  • 9s are also advised to view endings, and completions as positive. Every ending has a new beginning wrapped up with it and shouldn’t be viewed as tragic or final.

  • As we end one soul cycle, a new one begins, with that is a chance at rebirth and evolution.

  • Use powers, and strengths of characteristics, with global awareness to protect everyone.

  • The 9 soul should Maintain a balance in life and control destiny through accepting the past.

  • Impact the world positively, be in the service of helping others, and don’t be disheartened by the flaws in people, or the shortcomings of self.

In Summary This Energy is Establishing Justice.

I feel like that just summed up a mix of everything I was touching on in the rest of the Post and I feel these will be present themes for all of us regardless of our Life Path Number as we enter Mercury Retrograde in Libra the sign of balance and Justice, as well as the 9/9 Portal which is a number of endings and beginnings, we usually see this right before the end of a cycle or chapter, and it is also one that can direct our awareness into the mind and our thoughts, Spiritual concepts and beliefs we hold onto.

As well as looking at why we do what we do, and the connections with those around us. It is always a beautiful thing to care and give and be loving and supportive or a humanitarian, however there must be a point that we choose to take care of ourselves first otherwise we will have nothing left to pour out to sustain others with or support them in their endeavors.

Again the theme of Balance is big at this time, and if you feel like you can't weigh your heart and see that it is as light as a feather then I would recommend making the changes necessary to assist that. Anyone who may not be pulling their own weight or any connections that you feel you have given way too much to pull back now and stop the madness. Allow the end of the cycle or the lesson to come as you decide to no longer give to your own defeat. Wait for others to meet you halfway and if they do not show up then turn around and let them wonder where you went off to.

Lilith Will Help Us Access Our Shadow

It does make sense too, being that as we enter into October the next month when the veil is thinner and the vibes are darker I feel that Lilith will still be present and waiting for the perfect moment to come and connect with her essence and energy at that time.

I have been going Live through my website on the last Wednesday of the Month to connect with the different archetypes. 9/28 is the next evening set for Goddess Activations and I believe this will be the perfect time to help us release the weight and pain on our hearts and minds so that we may make it through the underworld when that time comes with a heart as light as a feather.

Keep Your Eyes Open for the Next Event to Connect With Ma'at. which will be this month and I will post it on the Events Tab of the site! October will be Lilith, I think... and I have the other activations already done from Brigid to Sekhmet on this page here!

affirmations for the 99 portal


Sep 11, 2022

Interesting! It gave me an idea for a ceremony I can do for myself. I don't have weighing scales, but I do have a feather and I just read about the 42 ideals/virtues of Ma'at. So, we can do a mini weighing of the heart ceremony at home with a feather and something that represents us(or a few hair strands) and choose to live by the 42 virtues. We can also ask the goddess to help our hearts be as light as feathers and take away the necessary burdens. I can take two bowls, one with water and feather, the other with water and something that represents me or carries my energy. Then, I can pick the feather and circle…


Sep 08, 2022

Thank you so much for this absolutely interesting “post/article…” (a lot of information are coming here) and for sharing with us your experience! You know that I’m here for you!🙏🏻

Sep 09, 2022
Replying to

Thank you so much Bridget! You should have to teach us how to do a ritual 😉 maybe once time! I’m going to send you one email to start to offer my services! I’m ready!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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